


A Smoke Raised with the Fume of Sighs

by Saoirse Mooney (achuislemochroi)



Series: Narniafic [61]
Category: Chronicles of Narnia - All Media Types, Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Foreshadowing, M/M, Self-Doubt, Setting: Dawn Treader, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 00:58:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13892868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/achuislemochroi/pseuds/Saoirse%20Mooney
Summary: Edmund tries not to let what he knows is coming ruin what he has now.





	A Smoke Raised with the Fume of Sighs

**Author's Note:**

> Filmverse; in this story, as in the film, Deathwater and Dragon Island are one and the same. The title comes from _Romeo and Juliet_ by William Shakespeare.

‘Ed?’

‘Mm?’

You’re on the Royal Cabin’s balcony enjoying a rare moment alone with Caspian, when his hand slides into your hair and starts playing with it. In your experience such behaviour is rare from Caspian unless he’s anxious about something. You brace yourself for whatever’s coming.

‘I want you to stay with me.’

Well. Out of all the things it could have been, you hadn’t thought _this_ would even make the list. It’s something you also want and it makes the fact you cannot have it even more painful. You think you’d do almost anything if it meant you could stay _here_ with this man you love almost more than breathing. And then going home _with him_ to the country you miss more than you thought possible when you are away from it. You want it so much you can almost taste it. But when Aslan didn’t let Pete or Su stay, what chance have you, the traitor, of a different fate?

Caspian is now so close to you that you can feel the warmth of his body bleeding through your clothes. His breath catches; you feel it skitter through your hair and over your scalp. And it kills you to say what you know you must.

‘You know I can’t.’

It was hard enough to leave him the first time, when the two of you were beginning to get to grips with what lies between you. You think leaving him this time might kill you; but you know better than to speak such thoughts aloud.

Caspian pulls you into his arms and then against him without a word; you suspect there’ll be tears if either of you tries to speak. Your arms go around him in an automatic response, and you wish you could give him the words he is aching to hear. The two of you cling to each other in silence for a long time.

That night, he makes love to you with a passionate tenderness. It is all you can do not to weep. You have never felt for anyone what you feel for Caspian. You don’t ask if it’s the same for him, in part because you don’t want to know if it isn’t. And you can’t bear to think about what you know is coming. You’ll leave, because you always do, and he’ll be here, alone. You try to think about something, anything, else. Why spend the limited time you have with Caspian thinking about the future and the pain you know it will bring?

But the way your brain works makes it almost impossible _not_ to think about it. It forces unlooked for and unwanted thoughts upon you, over and over, to dwell on for hours. Always at the most inconvenient or inappropriate time.

It happens, once, when Caspian is deep inside you. His cock, insistent against your prostate, brings you right to the edge of orgasm and then over it. He must think you close your eyes in pleasure. But it’s because your mind chose this precise moment to remind you how this is finite. There is a limit to the number of times Caspian can bring you such ecstasy before reality tears the two of you apart. You cling to Caspian when you’re cuddling together afterwards. If he’s surprised at it, because such behaviour is most unlike you, he chooses not to comment.

You have known for years that your mind has a marvellous ability to turn itself against you, but this latest effort will take some beating. You know what you have with Caspian will end. But it doesn’t prevent you from wishing things were different, and neither can it stop you falling further in love with Caspian. The two of you are so close, each so entwined with the other, your relationship flirts with dependency.

And no King of Narnia can live dependent upon another.

But even this disappears when Caspian makes love to you. Everything disappears. You can focus on nothing other than Caspian: what he is doing to you, and how fantastic it feels. Even the fact you love him more than anything pales before the siren song of skin-on-skin contact. You wonder what could best it, and whether you want to find out.

Meanwhile, over time, the two of you become inseparable.

By the time the _Dawn Treader_ arrives at what you will later christen Deathwater, you are almost never apart during waking hours - and never at night. And by now you are, to an extent, past caring who knows what; Lucy learns that you are sleeping with each other because she catches you in the act. She is apologetic, backing out of the room to leave the two of you alone as soon as she realises what she’s walked into. And you are more than aware of how easy it is for Caspian to coax you back into the mood, with a roll of his hips at the right moment.  But the fact remains your baby sister saw you, with Caspian buried inside you and moaning with the pleasure of it. And you’ve no real idea how you’ll ever live that down.

After an enchantment leads you to almost kill each other at Deathwater, there’s a rift between you for a short while. From the very beginning, it hurts so much you wonder whether Caspian cut you with his sword. You look to see, but you find no blood, and it isn’t until afterwards you notice how your efforts have drawn Caspian’s attention.  When he realises what’s happening, he too looks for the wound and for a moment the tension between you eases.

When you and the others all realise Eustace has disappeared, you say you’ll go to look for him (because although a large part of you is almost pleased with his absence, your conscience won’t let you do anything else).  A heartbeat of time passes. And then Caspian declares he’s going with you. An absolute rush of fierce relief passes over you, and you hope the coldness between you has passed. Caspian pushes you against a rock, once you’re clear of eavesdroppers and unwanted eyes, and kisses the breath out of you while his body makes promises of what he’ll do to you once you’ve found your cousin. The rift between you closes as if it were never there. Your answering kisses are every bit as desperate as Caspian’s and have an extra bit of spice of their own. You feared, whilst you and Caspian were fighting, you’d lose him for ever before you even left Narnia. But with his body hard against yours and his insistent tongue exploring your mouth, pulling noises out of you that make him kiss you harder and deeper, it is easy for him to convince you he still loves you.

You continue climbing until you find an incongruous grassy area. Caspian drags you towards it, claiming that a rest would do neither of you any harm; your eyes meet and you see his pupils are blown wide with arousal.  You begin to see why you stopped; Caspian wants you, and means to have you. The hard and urgent kiss he pulls you into has nothing whatever to do with finding Eustace. He scrabbles at your belt with his fingers while continuing to kiss you, and for a time you let the man you love ravage your mouth as you drown in the sensation. You return the kisses with equal fervour.

But your conscience eats away at you all the while, and you get to where it is impossible for you to ignore it any longer. Caspian is pressing open-mouthed kisses into the skin of your neck, and it feels bloody fantastic, but you force yourself to stop responding to it. It’s difficult, and you’d rather be doing anything else, but you manage it. Caspian doesn’t notice the change straight away so it’s a good few moments before his brain catches up with the situation. But he’s been quick on the uptake the entire time you’ve known him, and this is no exception. He curls his body around you a little, seeking even now to bring you comfort, and despite the situation, you cannot help but smile at him.

‘Are you all right?’ is all he asks.

‘I’m sorry,’ you say. ‘I want to, but I can’t. Not until I know he’s safe.’

Caspian nods, saying nothing. You suppose it could have been worse. At least his reaction isn’t ‘you’re a better man than he is,’ although you’re not _naif_ enough to suppose he isn’t cursing Eustace under his breath for managing to come between you even when he isn’t there.

‘You’re not saying that to make me stop?’

Caspian’s voice is light, as he tries to spin his question as a mere jest, but you know him well enough now to see past it to the vulnerability hidden beneath. You curse Eustace in your own head before moving until you are again flush against Caspian’s body.  Rolling your hips, so the hardness of your cock brushes against his, makes you both moan.

‘Does this,’ and you press against him again; it feels so good it almost persuades you to Caspian’s way of thinking, ‘look like I want you to stop?’ Caspian says nothing, choosing instead to pull you into a bruising kiss.

‘Do that again,’ you say when the kiss breaks, ‘and you might persuade me to your point of view.’  You straighten up, muttering under your breath ‘As if I’m not more than half-way there already.’

Caspian smirks at you.

‘But you forget, Ed, how well I know you. You might let me persuade you to my way of thinking (and I won’t deny that I want you very much, right now), but your conscience will make both of us suffer for it if you do. Nay,’ he holds up a hand when you open your mouth to dispute this. ‘You know this to be true. Don’t deny it.’

He is right, damn him, and you both know it. You sigh, unwilling to move away from him even for Eustace’s sake, and the two of you trade idle kisses for a few more moments. After a while, the inevitable happens and things heat up between you again. Caspian’s fingers become more insistent at seeking your skin and the kisses between you become longer and deeper. You force yourself to pull away from him. And, again, the way Caspian is looking at you when you do makes you second-guess your choice.

But none of this is helping in the quest to find out what’s become of Eustace. And you know, from your own experience, how being in this world alone can lead a person to situations and choices you later come to regret. Much as you dislike Eustace, and his attitude towards people and things you love, it’s not something you’d wish on him.

‘So,’ Caspian muses as his fingers trace idle patterns on your neck, ‘where do you think he’s got to?’


End file.
